Emotional dysregulation is a term that’s being used more and more, yet many people still don’t recognise it in themselves. It doesn’t always look dramatic. It can show up as feeling easily overwhelmed, reactive, tearful, irritable, numb, anxious, shut down, or unable to recover after stress. It can feel like your emotions arrive too fast, too strong, or linger long after the situation has passed. And very often, people turn to alcohol or weed not because they lack control, but because their nervous system is already struggling to regulate.

At its core, emotional regulation is a nervous system function. It’s the ability to move between activation and calm, connection and separation, intensity and rest. Some nervous systems do this naturally and efficiently. Others don’t. Genetics, early life stress, trauma, gut health, inflammation, hormones and long-term stress all shape how well your nervous system can self-regulate. When regulation is difficult, people don’t feel safe inside their own bodies, and they understandably reach for something that offers relief.

Alcohol and cannabis are two of the most common ways people attempt to regulate their emotions. Both act directly on the nervous system, and both can feel helpful in the short term. Alcohol dampens arousal, lowers inhibition, and temporarily quietens internal tension. Weed can soften emotional edges, slow racing thoughts, or create distance from overwhelming feelings. For a nervous system that feels constantly “on”, these effects can feel like relief, even like survival.

The problem is that neither alcohol nor weed teaches the nervous system how to regulate itself. Instead, they become external regulators. Over time, this can reduce the nervous system’s own flexibility and resilience. Emotional responses can become more extreme rather than less. People may feel calmer while drinking or smoking, but more anxious, low, irritable, or emotionally raw once the effects wear off. This cycle is often misunderstood as dependency or weakness, when in reality it’s a nervous system that has adapted to outside support and now struggles without it.

Alcohol, in particular, has a significant rebound effect on the nervous system. While it initially suppresses stress responses, it later increases cortisol and adrenaline, disrupts sleep architecture, and interferes with neurotransmitters involved in mood and emotional regulation. Many people notice that anxiety, irritability, or emotional volatility are worse the day after drinking, even if the amount felt “reasonable”. For sensitive nervous systems, this rebound can be profound and cumulative.

Cannabis affects emotional regulation in a different but equally important way. It alters how the brain processes emotion, threat and reward through the endocannabinoid system, which interacts closely with serotonin, dopamine and stress pathways. In some people, this leads to relaxation and emotional softening. In others, particularly those with nervous system sensitivity, inflammation, or genetic vulnerability, it can amplify emotional reactivity, increase rumination, or create paranoia and emotional disconnection. Over time, some people find they feel less able to tolerate normal emotional ups and downs without cannabis, not because emotions are stronger, but because regulation capacity has narrowed.

What complicates this picture further is trauma. For people with unresolved trauma, emotional dysregulation is not a choice; it’s a nervous system survival response. Alcohol and weed are often used to manage states of hyperarousal, emotional flooding, or shutdown. While these substances may offer temporary relief, they can also block the nervous system’s ability to process and integrate experience, keeping people stuck in the very patterns they are trying to escape.

Genetics also play a crucial role. Some people metabolise alcohol and cannabinoids differently. Some have heightened sensitivity to dopamine shifts, stress hormones, or inflammatory signalling. Others struggle to clear neurotransmitters efficiently, meaning the nervous system stays activated for longer. These differences help explain why one person can drink or smoke occasionally without issue, while another experiences mood swings, anxiety, emotional instability or reliance. It isn’t about character. It’s about wiring.

Gut health and immune signalling add another layer. Both alcohol and cannabis affect the gut, the microbiome, and inflammation, all of which feed back into the brain. Because the gut produces most of the body’s serotonin, disruptions here can directly impact mood, anxiety and emotional resilience. For people with gut inflammation, eczema, IBS, or immune sensitivity, substances that appear to help emotionally can quietly worsen regulation over time.

Many people sense that alcohol or weed no longer serve them, yet stopping feels frightening. When substances have been acting as nervous system regulators, removing them without support can expose how dysregulated the system already feels. Anxiety, emotional volatility, low mood, irritability and insomnia are common, not because something is wrong, but because the nervous system needs help learning how to regulate safely again.

This is where personalised, integrative work is essential. Emotional dysregulation is not solved by willpower, restriction or blanket advice. It requires understanding how an individual nervous system functions, what it’s compensating for, and what support it actually needs. In my work, I look at nervous system genetics, gut and immune health, nutrient status, hormones, trauma history and current stress load to understand why regulation is difficult in the first place.

From there, we build capacity gently. This might involve calming inflammatory pathways, supporting neurotransmitter balance, stabilising blood sugar, restoring gut–brain communication, and working in a trauma-informed way that respects pace and safety. The goal isn’t to remove coping strategies without replacement, but to help the nervous system develop its own ability to settle, recover and respond flexibly.

If alcohol or weed play a role in your life and you’re questioning that relationship, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed or lost control. It often means your nervous system is asking for deeper support. Emotional dysregulation isn’t a personal flaw. It’s a signal. And when that signal is understood and supported properly, people often find they no longer need to rely on substances in the same way.

Your nervous system isn’t broken. It’s responding to its biology, its history, and its environment. With the right understanding and the right support, emotional regulation can become safer, steadier and more embodied. That’s the heart of the work I do - helping people move from coping to genuine regulation, in a way that fits who they actually are.

 I am right here…